Picture this scene….
Two tribes, standing at the edge of a battle field… the sun beating down, blooded, sweaty, rage in their eyes… weapons poised…. chanting diatribe filled with anger and venom! Their staffs banging on the dusty ground… both blood thirsty and prepared to sacrifice all for the sake of ‘their people’…
The reason? The cause of this inevitable massacre?
Well that could be one of many….
Well it could be, Raw feeding vs Kibble or Vaccinations vs no vaccinations….. Positive reinforcement vs balanced training…. The list goes on… but you get the jest! Whilst I may be using this epic scene fit for the silver screen, to articulate my point… and it is somewhat in humour, there is a lot of truth in the sentiment behind differences and the ‘tribal effect’ of disputes.
As a professional dog trainer, and seminar presenter, I am often asked to deliver talks and presentations to audiences that are filled with people who have a different and sometimes conflicting perspective to that of my own.
When you are fortunate as I am, and travel to various parts of the country and world, this is kind of inevitable. In a time when division seems to be the norm, I am asked how I ‘cope with’ this situation.
Well firstly, I put down my spear! I have been known to be slightly ‘passionate’ in topics of debate and discussion, it has to be said.
Often we all can get defensive about our perspective and beliefs, but it is worth remembering that we are all entitled to our own views. Whether it be diet, training methods, heelwork position, stays or no stays… the endless list of topics that can divide a facebook group like the red sea parting… we are all equally entitled to that viewpoint.
But remembering that whilst you can have a viewpoint, be aware that someone else is entitled to debate it, contradict it or dispute it. And you know what, thats absolutely fine!
Social media, whilst it has its many uses, can often fuel the fire of debate and difference. This difference can often take a dark turn, and cross the boundaries of acceptable social conduct. Debate is healthy, but when discussion becomes personal, we need to take a look at our conduct and remind ourselves of core human values and common civility.
Training methods are a mine field for differences, and debate. Positive vs balanced, punishment vs no punishment, and even within these core groups, there is splinter groups within that then continue to debate amongst themselves! Even under the heading of reinforcement based dog training, there is a huge umbrella… and often there is a tribe within the tribe!
As a professional dog training and someone who puts his head above the parapet, this is a phenomena that I encounter on a regular basis.
So here’s how I view and deal with it:
⁃ We are all entitled to our opinion, and if you have yours and are prepared to defend it to the ends, that you have to anticipate that others will be the same, with views that conflict with yours. And thats ok. It is there right as much as yours, be grateful that we live in a society where this is possible, as there are many where it is not!
⁃ Try not to make your points personal. This will only add fuel to the fire, and deflect from your point. It becomes about the individual rather then the discussion. It may be hard, when you feel you are being ‘attacked’, but stop… take a breath and see the comment for what it is. It is rarely truly about ‘you’….
⁃ Be open to the possibility of dialogue. Change, discussion and growth can often be uncomfortable. You are potentially challenging the status quo and people take that personally. Putting up your barriers and shields, won’t allow communication. And if you truly believe in what you say, and what to get that point across, communication is a necessity.
⁃ Every viewpoint has its strongest and weakest examples. Judging a perspective or opinion by a poor example, isn’t the best way to gauge a true reflection of the viewpoint. And if you are using this as an example, be mindful that you could be subject to the same!
⁃ Agree to disagree. If we all agreed on everything, can you imagine how boring life would be! Having people to challenge your beliefs is healthy, it will test them! If your opinion can weather a little bad weather, then you can take confidence in them.
⁃ Be respectful. You may not agree, but be respectful of the individual, and if you cant walk away with your head held high. Walking away isn’t a loss, its a choice.
⁃ Listen. As simple as it sounds, try listening to the other persons perspective. But dont just ‘hear’ the words, truly ‘listen’. Often there is far more in common then there is apart. Passion, life experiences, emotional influences… We are far more alike then we are different.
⁃ Whilst we would like to believe that we are so different to those that don’t share our beliefs, when you scratch beneath that defensive facade, you will find we all have far more in common then apart. Often, in dog training, our commonality is our love for dogs. This in itself is sometimes worth remembering.
⁃ Avoid judgement. It just makes people defensive, and whilst it is easy to point the finger at others, you will probably find, that you are seeing in them what you hold yourself. the mantra when you know better, you do better, is often a way to avoid judgemental views.
⁃ You don’t always have to ‘be right’ to be right… Walking away from a debate doesnt mean you have lost, you can still hold your beliefs, and find people with a commonality. It may serve you to put down your weapons and step back from debates, and disagreement. Channel that energy into bettering yourself, and your cause.
Enjoy your dogs!